This week has been a difficult one. I have felt pain and relief all in one blow. This week has been consumed with flat hunting. Feel like I am a gypsy, jumping from flat to flat to find a place to rest my head. I am trying to sort out the thoughts in my mind. Which ones do I listen to. On one had, I get emails to say: " In all healthy relationships there comes a time where the honeymoon must evolve into something real...You should also be able to listen, really listen to the concerns of your partner. In a narcissistic relationship this doesn't happen. The reason the narcissist loves the honeymoon is because they can be stuck in the Peter Pan, terminal childhood stage where they don't have to be responsible or accountable. They don't want to deal with issues in the relationship. They love the romance, the attention, admiration, adoration, promise of ideal love and hope that they have found "the one" who will tolerate all their weirdness without question... The narcissist doesn't want to grow up and be accountable. Once you have been wooed you should be hooked in and they shouldn't have to invest so much anymore. They have groomed you to be a constant source of admiration, attention, sex, affection, and nurturing. The piece that is missing is that the narcissist doesn't seem to believe that they should reciprocate. Underneath it all the narcissist cannot enter into a place of mature love. They are looking for unconditional love but are unwilling to give it. They never had the ability to move beyond the honeymoon and upgrade to mature love. Playing with Peter Pan can be a magical experience, one that you don't forget. It can be intense, passionate, sexy, and romantic. But you are destined to live in never never land which means you will never have anything real or true. It is all only make believe.Love only goes as deep as we do, and frankly if your mate doesn't run very deep than neither will the love...." ..Well it keeps going, but you get the idea. I believe in true love. That love does not mean changing a person. Love does not mean controlling someone. Love is free, love is without boundaries, love is experience life for the first time with someone else cause life before them wasn't a life at all. If that makes me a 'Peter Pan', then I do not apologize.
That same week, I also received the following amazingly touching email: "Love is an interesting emotion. In some ways it is a lot like pain, sometimes uncontrollable and intolerable, sometimes driving and motivating and sometimes needed or unwanted. However, rest assure that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has been through this...Lastly, life is tough, really tough. I know you think you know, but you are just starting life so you have a way to go. You need someone ready to explore and experience, for the first time, the same things as you. You need someone extremely supportive of you today and at the onset because life will only give you many many reasons to test that support. These are things you do not settle for and things you need to emphasis in light of them being shadowed by "love". I am sorry you are in Pain, but wounds heal and will allow you to be careful the next time you decide to jump head first....Apparently someone told me lots and lots of chocolate release the same emotion response as Love/Pain, might be worth a try....Keep your chin up, stick your resolution." Its amazing who picks you up when you are on the ground. We have differed so very much over the last year, but this email made me realize that no matter what happens, we have a love and bond that nothing will ever come between or break!!
Here's to hoping :-)
Miss you all dearly! Love you loads
xx
T
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